Darling God-Dawter Georgia, we need to tawk!
Its me, Unkle George.
I am SHOKKED to heer about yur resent display of ungreytful behavyur! I habs herd dat yu habs tried to bite yur domestick staff!!!!! Dis is KNOT axseptable yung lady! Da only time I wood KNOT be upset iffen I herd dis is iffen someone was treeting yur rong–butt dis was KNOT da case!
Frends, I make ma case: Mama Caffie habs reported to me dat it habs been too cold at nite fur da Muddletts to sleep in der outside run wiff delux stuffy filled dog condominium. Dis is a kind and caring thot, rite? So da very kind and nice peeple who are in charge of looking over such things habs eggstended a cordiall invitation to da girls to pleeze come inside to sleep. Well, little Miss Too Big Fur Her Stripes habs reacted on nite one wiff a loud voice of protest, but evenchually, she went inside. OK, I can see dat–makin some noise. Chanje is hard. Butt da last nite? Mama Caffie says it was gonna be 20 degrees American. Well, dat is too cold for a yung houndie! So her staff came to essgort her in, and dat wicked little girl try to BITE dem!!!!!
Bite dem!!! 
Georgia, dis is how I felt when I herd dis noos:
Yu can KNOT act dat way when yur peeple are trying to help yu! OK, its gud yur an independent lady. Yur gonna need dat spirit when yur battling it out fur da furst prize at da track. I get it–yu are woman, hear yu roar! Butt sometimes yu cant habs everything yur way! Dis is da troof, and all gud houndies habs to learn dis.
Whot wood happen to us iffen we got to eat as much as we want? Why we’d look like sausages wiff toofpick legs! Whot wood happen if everytime I wanted to drink Chikken Arms coffee I did? Why I wood probably habs a hart attak frum all dat caffeen! Whot wood happen iffen everytime I saw a nice pare of Miss Cara-Leas jimjams, I stole Mommys credit card and bot dem? She wood go broke, and I wood be homeless. Well, probably KNOT me, onaccounta some nice GT’er wood take me, butt no WAY ennybuddy wood adopt old Chikken Arms! Whot wood happen iffen everytime yu wanted to make a tinkle, yu did, no matter ware yu were? Wait…yu habs KNOT learned about “house braking” yet. Skratch dat won… I think yu catch ma drift yung lady!
Sometimes we habs to trust are peeple. When dey tried to bring yu inside, it was fur yur own good! So yu cud be warm inside!
Pleeze, leetle girl, stop wiff da stinkin thinkin! I want to feel like DIS when I hear about whot yur doing:
Now, yu go think on dis. And apologize to da nice peeple!
Wiff lubs,
Yur Unkle George in da deep, deep snows of Noo England
