Follow That Hound!

Ma deer Georgia,

I can KNOT tell yu how proud I was da other nite when I watched yu on da live feed from Orange Park winning yur first Grade A race!  I roooed so loud ma throat hurt!!  The way yu busted out of the starting gate–like yur paws were on fire!  Yu got out in front and that was all there was–no one else had a chance!

Did yu know that you have a fan club?  Dats rite!  We meet up on da Facebook in da Mudd Puppies Fan Club, and we discuss da highs (and the lows!) of yur racing.  Yu have fans from as close as Florida, and as faaaaaaaaaaaar as Canada.  Dat is up near da Norf Pole, by the way.

Now, lets tawk about these houndie that have been bumping yu!  I was outraged to see a giant black houndie body slam you the race BEFORE the won yu won.  Yu had it in the bag little girl, in the bag!  Then WHAMMO!  He hip checked you and off yu went, sideways.  But ma ginormous hart swelled up to see yu just keep going!  That’s ma girl!  A houndie never gives up, never surrenders!

Two things to remember: Thing won!  Always pay attention to what is comin’ up behind yu!  Iffen yu can feel der hot breaf on yur afterburners, dey are getting close and yu need to shift it into overdrive.  Thing too!  Pay attention to who is next to yu.  Try to KNOT be too close to anyone.  Da best way to avoid this is to break out of the box FAST FAST FAST and then just GO!  It’s not very faaaaaaaaaa.

I hope that yu got the ice creem I asked Mama Caffie to give yu?  If KNOT, let me no.  I will see about sending yu a package of dem Frosty Paws ma hooman gives me sometimes.  Dey are most delishuss!

Never forget I am always proud, even if yu do KNOT win.  It is cleer to see yu are trying yur very best.  Stay safe!  Behave!  And always, but always, turn LEFT!

Lubs,

Unka George

Ma Darling Georgia and yur beyoutimous sisters, how habs yu been?

Ah habs just heard from Mama Caffie dat tomorrow is a BEEG day in yur yung racing life–it is a day witch will be with yu FUREVER! For tomorrow yu shall be give da most wonnderful gift! Da gift of yur own speshul, unique, and permanent identification as a world class athlete–an animal wiff curage and grace, fierce beyuty, and a rich and long history! Yes, dat is rite! Tomorrow yu gets tattooed!

Here is ma bestest bud, Swifty, hoping dat Chikken Arms wood let him get tattooed, but ah had to step in and stop da madness, fur only dat cream of da houndie crop, da noble Greyhound, is fit to bear da numbaaaaaahs!

Ah can KNOT lie to you, ma little frends: its gonna smart a bit!

But den Daddy Bill will be finished, and yu will gets lubbing and cuddling from Mama Caffie, and yu will never have to get da ear pinches again! But this will mark yur biggest step to date on dat thrilling jurney dat is RACING!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, it takes me back! Da roar of da crowd, da sand as it flies from underneath yur pawsies, and da sweet sweet taste of viktory! But ah digest…

Georgia, yu must be brave fur Unkle George. For ma petit angel pup, ah think yu is goin first! Yu will be da A puppy, juss like me.

Mama Caffie habs also informed me dat yu ladies will soon be moving into your beyoutiful custom crafted house! Thats rite–yu girls hab been babied in da kitchen long enuff. It is time to let Mama Caffie make dinner wiffout fear of smooshing yu! Ah no, ah no. Yu will miss her, and she will miss yu. But ah am here to tell yu, be KNOT afraid! Da dark is nothing, da dark is just different from the day, and iffen yu stick close to yur sisters, yu will hear der harts beeting, telling yu yu are KNOT alone!

Iffen Mama Caffie sneeks out der and tries to snuggle up and go to sleep in da houndie hut, yu send her back inside! Time to cut da apron strings (altho ah suspect dat Mama Caffie habs never worn no apron!  ) and get in toon with yur essential houndieness!

If yu get overwhelmed by all dis noos, dear won, ah am here for yu! Call me. Ma number is 92A-15005. Ah will sleep wiff ma fone tonite, just in case. Oh look, ah gess Swifty is heading off to bed! Good nite, sweet girls, good nite.

How are you? Its me, Unkle George. Today we’re going to lern about getting along wiff others.

Der has been a noo member added to ma fambly. Let me tell yu about him!

Furst off, it is KNOT a houndie. Dat is rite! Sometimes yu habs to live with other animals! I no, I no, it is hard to beleeb dat Mama Caffie wood ever let that happen, but it does happen.

Here he is

Check out da size of those earsies!

Won thing to remember: if the hooman brings it home, they think it is theirs and they do KNOT want you to eat it or skwash it or ennything like that. Even when it is nawty and tries to steel yur ice creem!

Tonite ma hooman was playing wiff dis little fellow (oh, ah am sorry, ah did KNOT say his name, witch is Mister Bigglesworth). She had a tempting feather on a string, and boy was it driving me CRAZY wanting to catch it. Ah am swifty and strong, and dis kitteh is just silly! Shore, he can leap and catch, but he is no match for me, da mity Chile!

Old Chikken Arms (dats my hooman, in case yu forgot) played and played wiff him–to show her ah was in da spirit of things, ah got out some of ma toys to encourage her to play wiff ME insteed!

Alas, it was no use. She just kept swinging dat dum feather around, and saying gud boy Georgie, juss a minute.

Even ma best pal, Swifty, try to distract her by roaching!

It was no use. Chikken Arms is so enthralled by dat noo kitteh, she completely ignored and abused both Swifty and me. But here is da lesson part: do KNOT take out yur frustrashuns on da small and week. Be kind, and let dem lean on yu.

They will reward yu wiff frendship, and yur Mommy will lubs yu even more, and gibs yu mooshies!

Ah hope dat yur Monday is brite and sunny!

Lubs,
Unkle George

Pssssssssssssssst! Georgia, come a leetle closer! I need to tell yu something!

Dis weekend, yur fuchur fambly is coming to meet yu! Dat is very eggsiting, and yu only habs WON chance to make a gud first impression. Its important that this eggsperience is a gud won for them. Dont be afraid–yu are KNOT going anywhere yet, but yu want them to go home feeling all sunny in der harts! Here are some tricks to making peeple fall head over heels fur yu. OK, ah admit it, yu habs dat puppy cuteness going fur yu, and it will be impossible for dem KNOT to feel like sunshine when they see yu. But it never hurts to put on a gud show!

Tip Number 1: Greet dem wiff enthoosiasm, even if dey are KNOT carrying snaks. Dis makes hoomans feel all warm and fuzzy all over! Iffen yu can muster up a smile, dats the BEST thing of all, but a perky face like dis gets em every time!

Tip Number 2: Hoomans go CRAZY fur us when we lay on are backs. Greyhound peeple even made up a silly name fur it–dey call it roaching. All dogs do this, but only Greyhound peeple give it a name, so be shore to master dis skill. Use it early in da relashunship, and they think yu are WONDERFUL!

Tip Number 3: Eggspress yurself. It makes yu seem hooman-ish, and dey eat that up! Here I am telling Chikken Arms what ah think of da noo toy she got me! As ennyone can see, ah did KNOT like it!

Tip Number 4: It makes dem feel gud to feed yu treets. Dey do KNOT understand that most of us will eat ENNYTHING with great gusto, and it makes them feel that they are being generus when they give us a treat, and that makes them feel reely gud about themselves, so make sure yu show interest in everything they are putting in der mouth, and show yur appresheashun when yu get something!

Tip Number 5: At some point, someone will try to talk yu into sitting on yur afterburner mussles. Dont fite it! Just do it. Generally, this drives them wild with a sense of accomplishment, and also, yu will get more treets!

Above all, leetle won, let the hoomans make fools of themselves, and be pashent. For each act of kindness yu do them, they will return da favor with a comfy bed, gud food, and lots of skritches and cuddles!

All ma lubs,  Unkle George

Hello Babies! Its me, Unkle George of Noo England

Dis is very haaaaaaaaaaad to talk about, but yu need to no dat life will KNOT always be froliking on da comforter in Mama Caffies kitchin, and snuggling wiff yur stuffies. No, der is a reel whirled outside, and sometimes, poopin can be danjerus.  Juss yesterday I, a houndie of 05 years, who been around da trak qwite a few times, neerly lost ma life just on accounta poopin! Its troo! Let me start at da start:

Mommy came home at da usual time. I did da happy danse, and treet her to a few smiles. She likes dat! And out we go. Things were going reely well. I was gettin all kinds of biskies just for tinkling outside. Soon ah began to feel perhaps it was time to fill up a baggie iffen yu no what I meen! No…yu probly dont, but dis is a fambly board, so I will let Mama Caffie splain it to yu reel qwiet in person. I like ma privacy, so I led Mommy into da woods a bit. She was most cooperative. I thot I found a gud spot–no, wait. I dont like da looks of dat leaf. Here’s a gud spot–no, wait. I heard a noise. Here’s a gud spot…nuts, dat branch over der distrakted me. Now dis is da perfect spot…and juss as I was gracefully hunching maself into position, Mommy said Oh %*$%&! George, run! And she took off like a…like a Greyhound!

Unforchewnately, ah did KNOT see what she was running frum, and sadly stepped rite on it.

It was a house of bees!

And dey was all over me! Der was won on ma tail. Der was one on ma butt. Der was two on my chest! Mommy was swatting and brushing and I was bucking and twisting, but it was too late. Dey was poking me!!!!! Dat is rite! Bees habs pins in der butts, and dey stab yu and stab yu…

I do KNOT wish to frighten yu to much. Ah no yu are still babies. But yu need to no…STAY AWAY FRUM DES GUYS

Mommy race me inside and rub me all over wiff a nice cool cloth, and den she open up ma mouf and shubbed pills in der. Den she call Houndie 911, and talk to Doktor Bev about ma life and death sitchyashun. Docktor Bev said I wood be all rite iffen I surbibed for 15 long minutes. Da minits on da clock dragged like howrs as we awaited ma fate…and after a while, Mommy kissed me and said I wood be OK! After another few minutes, da pills started to make me feel funny…

Ah do KNOT no what dey were, but I slept like a log all nite!

Not to worry Georgia, ah am OK! The moral of da story is: look before yu skwat!!

Lubs,

Unkle George

Deer Mama Caffie,

I habs made dis here inspurrashunal sign fur ma liddle God-Hound Georgia and her sissies. Do yu think yu cud hang it up in der room? I want dem to see it as soon as der eyes open up. Its nebber to soon to start der houndie training!

Thank yu,

George, Yur Devoted Striped Frend to da Norf